Aiteach Zine #9

July 23, 2024 Wexford Pride

Accessible version beneath the issuu slides

Wexford Pride Presents: Aiteach Queer Culture Zine

Issue 9, July/August 2024

(image shows a cassette tape with “Queer Mixtape Vol 1” label)

Also: Bi Column, Food, Poetry, And So Much More!

Contributors: Béibhinn Murphy O’Brien (she/her), Vic Kelly-Victor (they/them), Dorn Simon (she/her), Dan (he/him), Mary West (she/her), Nic Wallace (they/them), John Cunningham-Ryan (he/him), Teagan Jane Bell (she/her)

Report - Vic Kelly-Victor

Photos - Pride in the Park

Bi Column - Dorn Simon

Art - Dan

Food - Béibhinn Murphy O’Brien

Poetry - Dorn Simon

Music - Nic Wallace

Ask Auntie

Book Review - John Cunningham-Ryan

Wexford Pride Events

Committee Report

By: Vic Kelly-Victor

The last Saturday in May was our third Pride in the Park in Min Ryan Park! It was unusually overcast for most of the day — we’ve gotten used to sunny Pride events in recent years — and the rain that came in around 4 p.m. shut us down completely. However, we’ve had good feedback from the community about most of the aspects of the day and we’re already planning some changes for next year.

When it comes to organisation, it’s a great help to have done it before a few times. It’s largely become a checklist of tasks: event permits, funding, stage and sound system rental, generator rental, emails to vendors and performers, advertising, van rental, communication with Wexford Arts Centre and Neuro Pride Ireland... We met twice in April and four times in May to ensure everything is on track. We discussed the things that didn’t run smoothly last year and attempted to come up with new solutions.

For example, last year there were issues with the public toilets in Min Ryan Park, so this year, we rented portaloos. There’s always an issue with food vendors at Pride in the Park — we find it really difficult to get commitments from food trucks or savory snack sellers — so we reached out more broadly than ever before. No luck, sadly! We’re going to try something new next year.

In terms of accessibility, there were also efforts to improve things. Last year, people said the neuro-affirmative quiet zone wasn’t as quiet as it needed to be, so we tried to find a better location for it. As it turns out, it’s still too loud so that’s a note for next year.

Disappointingly, we didn’t manage to secure an Irish Sign Language interpreter for the event, but we do have a commitment from one for 2025. We rented four times as much trackway to help wheelchair users and other mobility device users move around the park. We also changed some of the signage to be more accessible.

There was a diverse lineup of acts, mostly local and in-community, including some harder, heavier bands like Crimson, 12 Gauge Outrage, and Acoustic Punk Advocacy Service; singer–songwriter Andrei Boyd; local chorus Anam Choir; and drumming collective Bloco Garman. Veronica also did storytime for the kids with drumming lessons from Max.

We were really sad that due to the rain, we had to cut short the programme, with Lili O’Brien, Recoil, the FDYS, Sam’s Collective and Marco Fabulazio all unable to go on. There’s not a lot we can do about the Irish weather — it was too windy for a tent to cover the stage and sound equipment! But we are discussing a different venue for 2025.

It was a very quick breakdown of the stage, sound equipment, accessibility gear and so on. The volunteers got soaked through but they seemed to keep the mood up and make light of the conditions and the work. Everyone dispersed to dry off, warm up and recover before the After Party or dinner, depending on their plans.

A big shout out to all the amazing volunteers: we couldn’t do Pride in the Park without all of you. You’re wonderful.

The queer After Party at Wexford Arts Centre was great. This year, it once again featured the brilliant burlesque and drag performers of the Disgraceful Cabaret and the hilarious Ian Lynam. Andrei Boyd was supposed to perform, but he gave his slot to Marco Fabulazio, who was a huge hit with the crowd.

Other than Pride in the Park and the After Party, we’ve been getting together to support other marches and protests, with a group at Longford Pride, Pride of the Déise, Dublin Pride, Wicklow Pride, and Trans and Intersex Pride! And it rained at every single one except for Trans and Intersex Pride :D so we are learning to pack umbrellas and waterproofs.

Our next big event is the Wexford Pride Symposium at Red Books in Wexford. That’s on July 27. It’s a ticketed event, which is unusual for Wexford Pride. We’re doing it as a fundraiser for an event that’s been requested by many people in the community — a second chance prom (or debs)! All the speakers are donating their time and expertise and we’re hoping it’ll be an amazing day.

While all that was going on, we still ran all our regular events, with at least one event every week. See the end of this issue for more information about the support groups and social events going on this month and across the summer.

Your committee is John Cunningham-Ryan (he/him), Veronica Victor (she/her), Rían Browne (he/him), CC Darlington (they/them) and Vic Kelly-Victor (they/them).

Pride in the Park

Saturday 25th May 2024

(Selection of photographs taken at Pride in the Park in Min Ryan Park, Wexford)

Bi-Curious Cringe

By Dorn Simon

Recently in Wexford Pride’s WhatsApp Bi+ subgroup, a discussion came about with one simple query:

“Does anyone else here cringe hard when they hear ‘Bi-curious’?”

A surge of discussion ensued, with varying experiences relayed, and how the term incites responses, many of which, if not all, appear to be rather icky or negative for a feeling of Biphobia washes over those hearing the word.

The term is not by any means pretty, particularly for those identifying as Bi+, as it may have taken a journey to reach this conclusion to begin with, as not every Bi simply knew, like I, and thought no more of it - many, in a majority tussled with the identity, or struggled to come out, largely due to the unique intricacies of what being Bi+ entails.

We already have to face the ridiculous queries mentioned in past columns, such as “So you do threesomes?” to contend with, or “You have twice as many people to sleep with so you are a greedy Slut” coming both from society and in the dating pool, so hearing a term such as Bi-Curious is rather cringe-worthy and to be frank even close to ‘Gaslighting’.

Let us view it from that perspective, take a person who is still deciphering their orientation and identity, then along comes the terminology crew, “Oh there is a gap here between those who are decidedly Bi+ and those who are not yet fully claiming the said identity, let’s cater (all well-meaning I am sure) to these and add Bi-Curious as an option to allow freedom of choice (again, like I say, well-meaning and looks good in theory) for when or if they decide to come out as Bi+.”

Ok, so now we have those who are out as Bi+ and hold 100% certainty of their identity, (let us be mindful that all identities, including sexual orientation, are FLUID in nature ergo one can grow and change, and that too is OK!).

Then there are still those tossing around the moniker and what it pertains to as they are quite honestly confused, or feel they are dirty, or evil or ‘insert whatever societal or conditioning negative view in terms of sexual orientation here’.

There are also now those who are sex-positive, adventurous, in-the-moment types, that may be gay, lesbian or straight and happen upon a sexual encounter that resembles a Bi+ experience. Lastly, those who are claiming Bi as a sexual desire, in that they remain in heteronormative relationships but have on occasion partaken in same-sex escapades as a pure carnal preference to curb a deep-seated hunger, whereby someone queried wouldn’t the term ‘heteroflexible’ not suit that experience better?

Are we to place upon three of the above the ‘Bi-Curious’ label?

After all, it could fit, fit in as much as the term trying to box individuals into it, to serve as a transitioning label, but what if they are not in between, or do not want the label at all, neither the labels Bi or Bi-Curious and just sleep with or have relationships with two or more sexual identities?

Those confident yet unclaimed identities that are happy just ‘being’ who they are, and doing ‘what’ they do with ‘whoever’ they do it with, should they be viewed as Bi-Curious?

The novice, shy, closeted youth that is still growing into their identity but shifted a girl, then a boy and someone saw it, so they are pointed at as a Bi and teased over it, their response in panic is to deny Bi, frantically searching for words to explain their unconcluded decision and land on the Bi-Curious label - or worse have others smite them, declaring them Bi-Curious because they cannot make up their minds.

The term is similar to gaslighting when a person is being viewed as Bi-Curious or forced to choose said moniker or left further panicked and confused over their pull towards bisexual attraction and orientation.

Being Bi is difficult in many ways, even in our community, the whole “not gay enough” vibration trickles throughout LGBTQ+ like a thick molasses for some, leading individuals to not involve themselves in the scene, until a late age, as either by perception or assumption they have this stigma upon them, not quite fitting in anywhere…not gay, not lesbian, not straight, and now add the salt to an undecided wound, with Bi-Curious for some individuals. The term forces one to either hurry up and make a decision already, or leaves one feeling not complete in their identity, the fact a person undecided or unsure of their bisexuality being given a term that denotes such a derogatory inspection of their choices or urges is essentially causing further confusion and pressure ergo “gaslighting.”

I would like to say this is subjective to my views, but the ongoing discussion led to many agreeing on certain points of contention.

Points of note were, “It’s just a phase”, about how Bi-Curious can be interpreted negatively or inaccurately, or “You’re straight and looking for attention” being another jeering statement (admittedly likely from a straight societal perspective when viewing through the term Bi-Curious). Biphobia is a very definitive hurdle for those identifying as Bi+, should there be this additional confusion or mountain to climb when merely deciphering one’s sexual orientation?

Sadly, Bi-Curious does not spell “Exploring my sexual identity” not to me and certainly not to any that were party to this discussion, now ok this was within a small group, in a small country in terms of reach, but still, the consensus was that it is a rather damaging and icky term/label.

There is another viewpoint, where one said “Being Bi is not a halfway house or stopping point to being gay” and how Bi-Curious can be picked up that way, as a sort of go-between, halfway state to an entirely different identity altogether, as also stated, “bisexuality is real and valid.”

Not warming to the use of Bi-Curious does NOT invalidate another’s experience or journey, it is seeking better-equipped use of wording or support for that journey, in terms of labelling, not that any one person should need a label at all, but this is the world we live in and have had to bring labels in for our safety measures in part.

The given experience of a bisexual individual who even within their dating pool or with partners is experiencing flack backlash statements such as “You’re not bisexual, you are just bi-curious” is the other direction this term can play out negatively when landing in Cishet’s hands.

As another viewpoint, it was mentioned that “it’s absolutely fine to be curious and want to explore, that’s normal and natural, it’s the entirely needless stapling of ‘bi’ to it…”

Indeed!

We do not have Gay-Curious, or Lez-Curious, or even Straight-Curious…so why the need for Bi-Curious? It simply undermines the Bi+ identities in one fell swoop.

Being Bi+ is a conclusion (with the natural fluidity of being human, ergo having the right to choose to change one’s mind, as that is our prerogative) not a space for evolving to another state. Now Q, for Questioning, perfectly fits without any negative or pressuring (gaslighting) connotations, it can be the transitional effect for those still sitting on the fence as to whether they truly identify as Bi+. Bi-Curious acts as a Bi-erasure, as one commenter stated, going further to say that “all the harmful stereotypes a la Porn (where many find their first experiences with bisexual acts) and Hollywood that all bisexual people are hypersexualised manic pixie dreamers who can’t make up their minds…”

Quoting another; “I had an ex before who was very adamant that I tell her friends I was “lesbian” and not bisexual or they would get weird and judgy about it. It was so hurtful and made me feel so ashamed at the time. I ended up avoiding LGBTQ+ spaces for so long because of it. In their case though, I think it was also just some baked-in internalised misogyny driving that mindset. Like, as society states once you’ve been touched/”cured” by the “magic penis” you can never truly escape its allure.

Being bi in most spaces often leaves you just feeling like you’re always on the outskirts looking in, like an imposter who can’t make up their mind and is never fully welcome in any space until they do. It can be very lonely and isolating at times as a result.”

As you will find in the first Bi column written in Aiteach, I touched upon how long it took me to venture into the ‘scene’ for these very same reasons, imposter, not gay enough, not sexually random enough (being monogamous ‘an all!) etc etc etc.

So, where to find the solution?

I know not.

Who created the labels?

Do we know?

Do we wish to remove Bi-Curious?

I think it would be rated highly in a poll to do so, what do you think?

Bye from Bi to the others,

Dorn

LGBTQ+ Flowers for Pride

By Dan

“I feel strongly connected to flowers and the many meanings they have. Flowers are grounding just like being part of such an amazing community. We all blossom together.”

(image shows a pencil illustration by Dan featuring a selection of different flowers, ribbon and stars)

Creamy 'n Crispy Kale Salad

By Beibhinn Murphy O’Brien

Cooking Time: 30 mins

Serves 2

Ingredients:

1/2 Cup of Quinoa

400g Can of Chickpeas

3-4 Curly Kale Leaves

8 Cherry Tomatoes (Quartered)

1 Large Carrot (Grated)

1/2 Red Onion (Diced)

For the Dressing:

3 tbs Tahini

1 tbs Olive Oil

Juice of 1/2 a Lemon

Salt to Taste

Method:

1. Preheat Oven to 200°C

2. Drain the can of chickpeas and spread them across a baking tray. Pat them dry with a kitchen towel. Place into the preheated oven for 20-30 mins until the chickpeas turn crispy and a caramel brown colour. You can optionally add a little oil to the chickpeas before cooking, but I find they crisp up best without.

3. Rinse the quinoa to remove its bitter outer coating, before simmering on the stove for 10 minutes (or to packet instructions).

4. Remove the stems from the kale and chop the leaves into small pieces. Place the kale into a large salad bowl and massage with your hands for around one minute. This will help to break down its tough cell wall and improve its texture.

5. Dice the onion, grate the carrot and quarter the cherry tomatoes before adding all to the bowl with the kale.

6. Add the crispy chickpeas and quinoa to the bowl.

7. Combine all the dressing ingredients, adding a little water to loosen up until you’ve reached your desired consistency. Spread the dressing across the salad.

8. Cover the salad bowl with a plate and give the bowl a good shake to combine.

9. Serve and enjoy!

(Image shows kale salad in spider print bowl with a tea towel and ingredients behind it)

Top Tip: The liquid drained off the chickpeas is called aquafaba. This can be used as an egg white substitute across a variety of dishes including meringues, mousses, frothed cocktails and more. It’s always worth reserving it instead of throwing it away!

Change

By Dorn Simon

Change - the only constant in life

Change - what we seek when in strife

Yet stark reality often hits

Those changes we gladly miss

The lopped down trees

That rustled in the breeze

The fat cherry blossom

That bloomed colossal

The weeping willow

That stroked you upon passing

The memories of walking

Hand in hand even near the end

Change has control over everything

We have no say in anything

The human ego restrains or refrains

Yet some over exert their rush from domains

Running fast chasing change

Seeming like a creature deranged

Change Change and Change

There’s no escaping it

Even the parts of life horrific

All will change by you by me or universally

Cherish now those wondrous trees

That aided in your walk with ease

Cherish now those flowers in bloom as you walk the child to school

Cherish those shops that once had lots as soon it will all change

As will those you entertain and love the most

They will crash and burn

Take a turn

Away from the churn of your heart

Change is repeated starts

Yet come with bitter endings.

Artwork by Teagan Jane Bell

(image shows a charcoal drawing by Teagan of a horse with a speckled coat looking to the side)

Queer Mixtape

By Nic Wallace

Listening to music has been an important part of who I am my whole life. This is the case for a lot of us. It can help you to relieve stress and aid in processing emotions from all aspects of life.

For myself and many other LQBTQI+ people, one way we use music is to express our sexuality.

Music has played an important part in helping me explore and be proud of my queer identity. On our own journeys of self discovery and acceptance, seeing our experiences and feelings being written and sung about can make all the difference. This is why I have compiled a small playlist of “queer artists” to listen to and share with others. “Queer” has been an important term for me in understanding and expressing my identity, which is why I have included it. I may refer to the LGBTQI+ community as such, though I understand not everyone would use it to describe themselves.

There are queer artists in all genres of music, all over the world, and from throughout history. I have focused on more modern and popular artists for my queer artists playlist, we will all be familiar with a few of them who have made impressive careers with their musical talents (Billie Eilish for one, amirite?).

Minor content warning, some songs on this playlist have explicit content, Spotify will have them marked ‘E’. So listen and share at your own discretion!

I hope you enjoy listening to the lives, stories and queer experiences of these talented LQBTQI+ artists.

Click here to listen to Nic’s Queer Artists playlist on Spotify

ASK AUNTIE

New Feature

Do you ever find yourself in a personal conundrum and wish you could ask a queer auntie for sage and loving advice? Good news! Starting in our next issue of Aiteach, Wexford Pride’s own auntie extraordinaire* will select an inquiry to publish and a response that includes words of support and advice, loving kindness, and maybe just a tiny bit of sass. Send your questions to askauntiewexford@gmail.com. All inquiries, whether published or not, will be treated with complete confidentiality and anonymity.

*What the heck is an auntie extraordinaire, you ask?

Yes, let’s get into my credentials! I have over three decades of experience as a very involved auntie to both blood relatives and chosen family, with a spectrum of queer orientations amongst my many niblings. (Nibling = ungendered term for nieces and nephews)

Outside of my identity as an aunt, which is truly my favorite role in life, I am an artist, writer, and genderqueer woman from California who relocated to Ireland in 2023. I have done oodles of therapy and self-reflection in an effort to heal from my Catholic upbringing, and I have been told on more than one occasion that I give pretty darn good advice. (On more than two occasions, even!) Ask me anything and I’ll do my best to help.

Book Review

By John Cunningham-Ryan

The Inexplicable Logic of my Life by By Benjamin Alire Sáenz

The Inexplicable Logic of my Life (2017) is an amazing book written by Benjamin Alire Sáenz who also brought us Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (2014) & the sequel Aristotle and Dante Dive into the Waters of the World (2023) which I’ll review later in the year

(first image show the book cover, which features a silhouette of three people looking at a starry sky. Drawings of leaves and other doodles incircle the book title)

(second image is a photo of the author sitting with his arms resting on his knees. He has short, dark hair and a moustache, and he is wearing round glasses and a button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up)

Plot:

Seventeen-year-old Sal (Salvatore) lives in El Paso, Texas, with his adoptive father, a gay Mexican-American art professor named Vicente Silva. Vicente assumed responsibility for Sal after his mother died, when Sal was just three years old. (The connections between Sal’s mother and Vicente don’t become clear until late in the book, when Sal finally opens a letter his dying mother wrote and left in Vicente’s care.) Although Sal is white, the adoption secures his place in the heart of a loving Mexican-American family, which is headed by the matriarch Sal comes to know as Mima.

As his adoptive grandmother, Mima refers to Sal as her “hijito de mi vida,” and the adoration is mutual. The warmth of the Silva family magnetically pulls in two other teen characters. Sal’s best friend, Sam (Samantha), is locked in raging conflict with her mom. Another friend, Fito, suffers the effects of a drug-addicted mother and an absentee dad. In order to survive, Fito must hold down two after-school jobs.

There is a huge amount going on and Sal’s best friend Samantha keeps him grounded, their constant communications by text keeping them in contact – they sometimes even text each other when they are in the same room. Sal is dealing with homophobia, losing his grandmother, growing up and all the other stuff that adolescents go through and he’s not doing very well. He is throwing punches and questioning everything. When Samantha’s mother dies in a car accident she goes to live with Sal and Vicente and then the edition of Fito to the mix is fantastic and reinforces to Sal how lucky he is to have a loving and supportive family.

The book deals amazingly with the exploration of self and identity and it’s something we all go through. During the story the love of Vicente’s life –Marco - makes a reappearance. Vicente, once gave up on the relationship with a man he loved when that man said he didn’t want to be a stepfather. At first Sal isn’t in favour of Marco’s return as he knows how hurt his father was but it enables Sal to see how lonely his father is. Sal realises that as he will be leaving for college his father shouldn’t be alone and deserves another chance at love. But central to the story is how we deal with loss, how Samantha comes to terms with the loss of her mother – even though their relationship was always rocky and how Sal deals with losing his Mima when she is diagnosed with late stage cancer – their relationship couldn’t be more different than Sam and her mothers.

There are some great quotes in this book and this is my fave:

“That’s the way it was when you loved someone. You took them everywhere you went – whether they were alive or not”

Whilst slow moving the book is well worth a read, the way Sáenz deals with the topic of loss and grief is brilliant and heart wrenching. It just keeps you turning the pages.

However, this slow pacing style will turn people off and in comparison to other young adult novels it is certainly aimed at the more experience reader. The verdict, a great read for either adults or advanced young adult readers, I give this book an 8 out of 10.

“Life had its seasons, and the season of letting go would always come, but there was something very beautiful in that, in the letting go. Leaves were always graceful as they floated away from the tree.”