Aiteach Zine 10
Accessible version beneath the issuu slides
Wexford Pride Presents: Aiteach Queer Culture Zine
Issue 10, September/October 2024
Bi Visibility Month
Also: Pride Goes to Prom, Music, Ask Auntie And So Much More!
(image shows a bisexual pride flag)
Contributors: Béibhinn Murphy O’Brien (she/her), Vic Kelly-Victor (they/them), Dorn Simon (she/her), Veronica Victor (she/her), Mary West (she/her), C.C. O’Toole (she/her), John Cunningham-Ryan (he/him), Teagan Jane Bell (she/her), CC Darlington (they/them)
Contents
Introducing Our New Editor
Report - Vic Kelly-Victor
Photos - Wexford Pride Symposium
Special Interests - CC Darlington
Book Review - Anon
Food - Béibhinn Murphy O’Brien
Music - Anon
Art - CC Darlington
Ask Auntie
Bi Column - Dorn Simon
Book Review - John Cunningham-Ryan
Art - Teagan Jane Bell
Poetry - C.C. O’Toole
Photos - Pride Around the Island
Pride Goes to Prom
Wexford Pride Events
An Foclóir Aiteach
Please send all inquiries to AITEACH.WEXFORD.PRIDE@GMAIL.COM
Introducing Our New Editor
(Image is a photo of Béibhinn wearing a Pride of the Déise tie dye shirt and a spiked collar and bracelet)
Hey reader,
I thought now is as good a time as any to introduce myself as the new Editor and Creative Director of Aiteach. My name is Béibhinn, I’m a pagan queerdo, salad enthusiast, and lover of all things macabre.
Originally hailing from the Déise, I moved here late last year. I was eager to make friends in a new town and I chanced upon a local fortnightly meet-up. I decided to go at first chance and I was made to feel so welcome amongst an already established group. That event was Wexford Pride’s Tea on the Quay and I’m so glad that I went and discovered such a supportive and thriving community on my doorstep.
Since then my schedule has been back-to-back with Wexford Pride’s wonderful and varied events. Most recently, I have also been involved with the committee for our upcoming Prom in October – more on that later in this issue!
When Veronica asked me to take the reins on Aiteach a few months ago, I was honoured to be able to use my experience in Visual Communications to support the community in a tangible way. I believe that documenting and platforming queer voices is so essential, and Aiteach provides the space to do so.
You can learn more about me later in this issue, as our fantastic Bi Columnist Dorn kicks off her interview series this Bi Visability Month with yours truly.
I hope that you enjoy everything our community has to offer in this latest issue!
Béibhinn
Committee Report
By: Vic Kelly-Victor
The summer tends to be quieter for Wexford Pride, with fewer events and fewer people at events. That’s not a bad thing though: holidays are important and everyone, including the committee, needs to have time away or take a step back! However, we don’t like to cancel all our events because our beautiful community deserves to have queer spaces all year long.
Our biggest goal for the summer was the first Wexford Pride Symposium: a full day of talks on a range of topics from nine of our members. Each person picked a topic of special interest to them and spoke for 20 minutes before taking questions from the audience. We had CC on sharks, Ori on game design, Mandy on no-dig gardens, Johnny on automating inhaler testing, Rhianna on intersectionality, Rían on queer organising, Vic on Polari, Andrei on recognising and avoiding cults, Mark on sexual fluidity, Nicole on preventing the spread of microbes, and John on Doctor Who! Thank you again to all our speakers, MacDara for sound and recording, the audience for all their interesting questions, and Wally and everyone at Red Books for hosting the day. We’re definitely doing another one in 2025.
The day was a great success, raising €596 for Pride Goes to Prom, which is being organised by our first ever sub-committee. We’re very excited for that event and hope that everyone will be able to live the Prom Night fantasy that they didn’t get when they were a teenager.
Other extra events in the summer included three life drawing workshops facilitated by CC Darlington and one lino printing workshop facilitated by Nicole Murphy. These were hosted by Gorey School of Arts and free of charge to the public.
One event that didn’t work out was our Soapbox event. Last year, it was a much-needed opportunity for people in Wexford Pride to speak out on their experiences as LGBTQIA+ people in the county. This year, we tried to hold it in August but due to a very low turnout, we decided to just have a chat and connect. We will reassess if it’s needed in 2025.
Of course, it’s easy to keep the regular events going because all the organisational work is done and it’s just a case of making sure people know they’re on. So people could still attend the Peer Support Groups online and at the IFA Centre in Enniscorthy; Art Club and Board Game Night at Mountain Gremlin Games in Castlebridge; Queer Chorus at the Collective Sensory Group in Wexford; Tea on the Quay; and the LGBTQIA+ Social Night at whichever venue the group picked for that month! We only cancelled the events that would have clashed with the Fleadh in Wexford town.
Behind the scenes, the committee had our annual planning day, where we all get together to discuss everything that’s happened and everything that’s coming up. It’s a key moment to assess our policies, ideas and plans so that we’re all sure we’re on track and properly serving all you wonderful people.
We also implemented our accountable spaces policy, which will hopefully support safer community interactions in public spaces, including on the WhatsApp group. This policy was developed in consultation with people with a range of neurotypes and other intersections of identity and was welcomed by many members. We will of course observe how it functions in practice.
Your committee is John Cunningham-Ryan (he/him), Veronica Victor (she/her), Rían Browne (he/him), CC Darlington (they/them) and Vic Kelly-Victor (they/them) and we’re looking forward to a busy autumn with you all!
Join our Whatsapp Community
wexfordpride.ie/whatsapp
Wexford Pride Symposium
Red Books, 27th July 2024
(Selection of photographs taken at the Symposium event in Red Books)
Special Interests: A Timeline of Sharks
By CC Darlington
Sharks have roamed Earth’s waters since before trees first appeared on our planet 420 million years ago (MA). These incredible creatures have witnessed the rise and fall of dinosaurs, survived five mass extinctions and adapted over millions of years to become one of the most successful lineages in the animal kingdom. So let’s take a look at the history of sharks, their evolution, the mass extinctions they endured and examples of some prehistoric species that shaped their legacy.
The earliest evidence of sharks comes from the discovery of shark-like scales dating back to 450MA. As sharks have a skeleton made of cartilage, which tends not to fossilise, shark fossils often come in the form of highly calcified teeth. The absence of any fossilised shark teeth between 410 and 450MA suggests that the earliest sharks may have been toothless.
Based on fossil records, it seems that sharks developed teeth around 410MA, but not before they endured the first of five mass extinctions they would come to live through. The Late Ordovician Mass Extinction (445MA), thought to be caused by a decrease in marine oxygen levels as a result of a sudden increase in land plants, wiped out 85% of marine life. Still, sharks flourished. The earliest shark teeth belong to a species named the ‘Doliodus Problematicus’, meaning problematic deceiver, due to the confusion it caused palaeontologists and paleogeographers in attempting to classify it.
It wasn’t until around 380MA that the first recognisable sharks appeared in the form of the Cladoselache. These early sharks were active predators and donned the familiar torpedo shark shape, forked tails and dorsal fins.
But it wasn’t long before the Devonian Extinction (359MA), a result of the climate change triggered by the previous mass extinction, wiped out about 75% of all species on earth, drastically affecting marine life. However, the extinction of other under-sea competitors allowed sharks to dominate and gave rise to the golden age of sharks. In the 100 million years that followed, some truly bizarre species of shark emerged.
One such species was the Stethacanthus (345MA), meaning ‘Chest Spine’ a 2 metre long shark defined by the large anvil-shaped dorsal fin it sported on its back. The fin, along with a patch on the shark’s head, was covered in tooth-shaped scales. It’s believed that this may have mimicked a giant mouth, scaring predators and, as it was only present in males of the species, attracting mates.
Another unusual species that appeared during this time was the Helicoprion (290MA), meaning ‘Spiral Jaw’. Its lower jaw sported a whorl of sharp teeth, while its upper jaw was completely toothless. As this shark’s jaws closed around its prey, the spiral of teeth rotated inward towards the back of the mouth, much like a circular saw, effectively grabbing squid and other soft-bodied creatures.
(Image of a Helicoprion shark)
252MA sharks were faced with the most devastating mass extinction yet, the Permian-Triassic Extinction. Also known as The Great Dying, this event wiped out a massive 96% of all species on earth. Many sharks were eradicated by this debilitating blow but a handful of shark species survived and continued to adapt and evolve alongside the newly appearing dinosaurs (230MA).
One such species was the Hybodus, meaning ‘Crooked Tooth’. This shark had both sharp and flat teeth, suggesting a varied diet, and it’s believed that they twisted and jerked their head when latched on to prey, giving rise to their name. At 2 metres long, they were by no means a small creature, however, the Middle Triassic oceans were home to much larger predators and, so, the Hybodus developed a spiked dorsal fin to deter larger predators from swallowing them.
The fourth mass extinction, the end-Triassic Extinction (200MYA), arrived shortly after mammals first appeared on Earth (225MA). Massive volcanic activity, leading to rising sea levels and highly acidic oceans, eradicated 80% of species on earth, with a large proportion of that being marine life. Yet, sharks endured and the rise of modern sharks began.
The Hexanchiformes, meaning ‘Six Gills’, is the oldest surviving group of modern sharks and they appeared roughly 195MA. Around this time, the cow shark, a Hexanchiformes species still living in our oceans today, first appeared. Cow sharks are the only species of modern shark to have more than 5 gills and, unlike other modern sharks, their digestive systems are much more primitive.
(Image of a Cow Shark)
103MA the Cretalamna first appeared. This shark is believed to be the ancestor of some of the largest sharks to ever roam our oceans, including the Megalodon and its other thriving descendant, the great white shark.
The final mass extinction was the Cretaceous-Paleogene Extinction (66MA). This event was caused by a massive asteroid impact in modern-day Mexico, and marked the end of the dinosaurs. While this event decimated 76% of species, including large marine reptiles, sharks once again emerged as survivors.
One of the most famous prehistoric sharks from this time, inspiring a 2018 blockbuster movie, is the Megalodon, which lived approximately 23 to 3.6 million years ago, going extinct just 1.4 million years before the first humans appeared. The Megalodon, meaning ‘great tooth’, was a gigantic predator, reaching lengths of up to 20 metres and with teeth as long as 12cm.
(Image of a person’s hands holding a Megalodon tooth and a much smaller tooth of another shark. The Megalodon tooth is the size of their entire hand)
In the years following the K-Pg extinction, sharks diversified into many of the species we recognise today. With more than 450 species of shark currently living in our waters, their adaptability has allowed them to colonise almost every marine environment, from deep oceans and coastal waters to, even, freshwater environments such as rivers.
Having survived five major mass extinctions, sharks have proven to be one of the most enduring lineages in the animal kingdom. Their evolutionary success can be attributed to various factors, including their predatory adaptations, ability to exploit diverse habitats and evolutionary innovations like live birth and highly developed senses, all of which we’ll explore in future articles.
Today, sharks face new challenges, primarily from human activities such as overfishing, habitat destruction and climate change. Despite these threats, the legacy of sharks as survivors offers hope that, with proper conservation efforts, these ancient predators can continue to thrive for millions of years to come.
Book Review
By Anon
The Unraveling of Cassidy Holmes by Elissa R. Sloan
Content Warning: eating disorders, body dysmorphia, body shaming, depression, suicide, outing of queer people, racism, physical & sexual assault, self harm, chronic illness
(Image of book cover. It features a person with long, light coloured hair with bangs and they are wearing round, reflective sunglasses)
Genre: General fiction
In a nutshell: Almost two decades after taking the pop industry by storm, girl group Gloss are trying to find their way back into the limelight and relevancy but this time as a trio. Fourth member, Cassidy Holmes does not wish to return to the limelight and hasn’t been in contact with the other members in years. But, in the middle of a live interview, the band finds out they have become relevant once again for reasons they could never have imagined: Cassidy has been found dead.
With this news, the trio is forced to confront their tumultuous past and reflect on painful memories which had been left ignored. Each of them convincing themselves “I was the closest person to Cass”, as they process their grief individually and as a group. Behind closed doors, the squeaky clean image of the perfect girl group was anything but that. Bonded together by secrets, betrayal and lies, it’s no wonder that each girl has completely different memories of the years they spent together dominating the charts and winning over the hearts of millions. But, if each girl is telling a completely different story of their time together, where is the truth?
I need to preface this by saying, this book could be deeply triggering for many different people, so much so that the author has included a variety of different resources and helplines in the book. It’s incredibly important to take your time to understand the trigger warnings before you consider reading this book and to be mindful of topics which could be difficult to read about. However, if you are comfortable reading this book, it is nothing short of mesmerising and addictive. There’s something about the author’s style of writing that meant I could not put this book down. The characters feel so real and full as though they could be real celebrities. You can sympathise with them in one paragraph but be infuriated by them a few pages later. They are so very flawed and so very human.
An issue with some people who have reviewed the book is the pacing. It’s a hefty book, 450 pages, and some people have said that it could be 200 pages shorter and still remain the same but I thoroughly disagree. The impeccable characterisation and storytelling of the author meant that every single page was necessary and anything less would have compromised the story in its entirety. Besides, it’s one of those books where you barely notice that you’ve read 100 pages in a single sitting because the story is so demanding of your attention. A book I wish I could read for the first time again and, as an avid reader, I don’t say that lightly. With queer lit like The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo or Call Me By Your Name taking mainstream reading by storm, I will never not understand why The Unraveling of Cassidy Holmes isn’t by their side in the bestseller’s section.
Food: Mammy’s Bairin Breac
By Béibhinn Murphy O’Brien
Ingredients:
300ml Cold Black Tea
225g Self Raising Flour
125g Golden Caster Sugar
350g Mixed Dried Fruit
1 Egg, beaten
Mixed Spice
(Image is a lino print style illustration of a jack-o-lantern)
Method:
1. Brew 300ml of black tea (one tea bag is enough) and allow to cool.
2. Place the dried fruit in a large bowl and cover with the cold tea. Leave to soak overnight.
3. Beat the egg and add to the mixture, along with the sugar, flour and a generous pinch of mixed spice. Mix together well.
4. If you are adding any (oven safe!) charms, now is the time to wrap them in a little greaseproof paper and add to the mixture.
5. Line a rectangular loaf tin with greaseproof paper and transfer the mixture from the bowl to the tin.
6. Bake in an oven preheated oven at 180°C for one hour approx, or until fully risen and firm to the touch.
7. Remove from the tin and allow to cool completely on a wire rack before cutting.
8. Best served with a little butter and a good cup of cha!
(Image shows a loaf of Bairin Breac and one slice buttered on a wooden board. To the right of the breac is a candle and a cup of tea in a cauldron shaped mug with moons and stars. Behind the breac is a tea-light holder in the shape of a spider and a ceramic coaster with a palmistry illustration. The surface below is covered with a spiderweb style tablecloth)
Traditionally, charms are added to the breac with corresponding meanings foretelling the future of the person who finds it in their slice. A few of these include a ring (marriage), a stick (a fight), a coin (good fortune), and a cloth (bad fortune or you’ll join a religious order). Here are some ideas for queer charms to add to yours, suggested by our Wexford Pride WhatsApp Community:
1. Carabiner: You’ll get U-Hauled
2. Stick: Lip Sync for Your Life!
3. Pea: You’ll Bag Yourself a Pillow Princess
4. Silver: You’ll Find your Chosen Family
5. Earring: You’ll Meet a Gay Man
6. Small Scissors: You’ll Meet a Lesbian
7. Paper Shark: You’ll Meet a Trans Person
Make sure any charms you put in your breac are oven safe and wrapped in greaseproof paper before adding. This may be obvious, but also be careful not to choke on any of the charms, no matter how much you want to scoff the whole thing!
Music: Baby Now We’ve Got Bad Blood: Why Being Kind of Crappy Makes You a Better Artist
By Anon
Let’s get one thing straight (preferably not me): when I say “kind of crappy”, I don’t mean excusing the likes of Michael Jackson or the use of slurs in Fairytale of New York. Everyone except that one person on Facebook whose profile has their place of employment as a “full time mad bastard” knows that’s going too far. But there’s something about artists who are a little bit of an asshole that really get me hooked.
These artists usually fall into two camps: people who are fully aware they’re in the wrong and do it anyway or people who think they’re “good” and fail to realise that couldn’t be further from the truth. Fleetwood Mac comes to mind immediately for the first one and their infamous Rumours album is a prime example of a group of people being as petty as possible to each other and owning it. And it’s without a doubt their best work. With hits like Dreams, Don’t Stop and Go Your Own Way, we have a front row seat to ex partners and friends having a bitter stand off right in front of us. Making your ex husband play bass to a song written about how much better your new partner is than him like Christine McVie did in You Make Loving Fun, is definitely considered “kind of crappy” and anyone with any sort of moral compass knows that. So, why did this album win a Grammy and sell 45 million copies on a global scale? We love stories about people being controversial. Not controversial enough that it goes into “cancel culture” territory but enough for us to know their record isn’t squeaky clean.
(Image of the album cover of Fleetwood Mac’s rumours, which features Mick Fleetwood resting his foot on a stool with two wooden balls between his legs. He holds hands with Stevie Nicks, who has one leg extended over Mick’s)
In 2024, a person who embodies being a bit crappy is Taylor Swift. It seems like most people will defend her to the end of time or start ranting about her past at the mere mention of her name. Everyone has an opinion about her. Including me. But it goes without saying that since she entered the music industry in 2006, she has been one of the most influential artists of her time and, because of this, her private life is anything but private. In her latest album The Tortured Poets Department, we are keenly aware which songs reference which of her partners, past or present. And with her most recent fling with Matty Healy becoming well known for all the wrong reasons, we get a behind the scenes perspective of their relationship from Taylor’s lyrics.
(Image of the album cover of Taylor Swift’s The Tortured Poet’s Department. This features Taylor Swift grasping the top of her head with one hand and the bottom of her head with the other)
Upon listening to the album, it reminded me so much of Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours. Yes, Taylor Swift is known for writing songs about her exes but this one is messy in a way we haven’t necessarily seen before. In order to get an idea of what I mean by messy, you need to have a bit of context surrounding the album. So, let’s dive into one of my top guilty pleasures: celebrity gossip.
End of 2022. Taylor Swift releases Midnights, her first pop album since 2019 as she dipped her toes into a more folky sound for a while. She announces her most ambitious world tour to date but once she begins her tour, her eagle eyed fans notice something immediately: her partner of 6 years, Joe Alwyn, is not at any of her shows. Eventually we find out from an anonymous source that the two have called it quits. Enter Matty Healy, lead singer from The 1975 and what seems like a whirlwind romance between the two. Thing is: Matty Healy isn’t kind of crappy, he is out of this world crappy. Problematic on so many occasions that if I were to explain everything, the word count would be through the roof and a certain editor of Aiteach would have their work cut out reading through all of this.
They seemed very much in love, despite article after article resurfacing of Healy’s past actions. Until, out of nowhere, they split.
An incredibly short romance but Taylor dedicates so much of her 2024 album to unpacking the highs and lows of this brief fling. And this is where she gets her “kind of crappy” status in my eyes. Because it seems like she was aware of his problematic behaviour, penning songs like I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) or when she writes “I would’ve died for your sins, instead I just died inside” in The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived. For a period of time it seems like Taylor Swift turns a blind eye to Matty Healy’s controversies, which in itself is quite telling of her character. And confronting that part of her in this album doesn’t erase the harm it has caused but it certainly provides a more nuanced dynamic to her discography and a stark contrast to previous albums.
Above all, Fleetwood Mac and Taylor Swift are perfect embodiments of the human experience. We can be petty, we can ignore red flags, we make excuses for the ones we care about sometimes. And that aspect of us is often brushed over in music in favour of sappy love songs or tear jerker breakup songs. Love is never a perfect embodiment of any one emotion, it is so many emotions both good and bad and as humans we are conditioned to brush away our negative emotions as they damage how others perceive us. But it’s when we embrace these shortcomings that we create the most honest art full of contradictions and humanity.
(Image of a Taylor Swift concert with a long stage in the middle of the frame and crowds on either side. At the back there is a large screen showing Taylor Swift performing)
Artwork by CC Darlington
(image shows a charcoal drawing by CC of the torso of a nude figure with their hand resting on their belly)
Ask Auntie
Content Warning: f slur, homophobia, upsetting family dynamics
Hi Auntie,
I was always told by other queer people growing up that eventually you develop a thicker skin about what others say about us and it doesn’t get to you any more. I’ve been out for years now and it just hasn’t happened.
I feel awful about it because there is this stereotype about queer people that we are all super sensitive and I’m letting the community down by playing into it.
My younger sibling calls things they don’t like “gay” and doesn’t want to be seen with me in public unless I’m 100 percent gender conforming and normal. It breaks my heart a little bit every time. They called me a faggot one time, I felt like I was in immediate danger.
“Faggot” is what got yelled at me after I got beat up as a teenager.
How do I become less sensitive? How do I care less about what square people think? Why does it still get to me after years and years of being out?
(Ps square is a newer term so idk if you know it. it means straight on all sides. Like cishet but more inclusive cause it includes perisex, allosexual, ect.)
from Cat Scaredy
Dear Cat,
Oh sweetie. Please consider this response as coming with a big virtual hug. You are safe here and we all love you. Take a deep breath and let’s jump in. I have lots to say.
I would like to call into question the stereotype that queer people are super sensitive. Queer people are flipping survivors, honey. If we were super sensitive while not also being super strong, how would we endure in the face of being so persistently “othered?” We are tough af, and no questionable stereotypes can change that.
Now, it’s time to pick apart the implications behind that stereotype. What’s wrong with being sensitive? The idea that it is bad to be sensitive is a cultural bias that I, personally, reject. Sensitivity and being attuned to one’s own and others feelings is critically important in this world. It is a strength, not a weakness.
So, my first recommendation is to get rid of the idea that you need a thicker skin. Your skin is dewy and gorgeous as it is, sweetheart. What we want to do, instead, is give you tools for more resilience and self-assurance so that when you are wounded, you know how to recover and rebuild your sense of self.
This is best accomplished on a path of self-discovery and self-love. Practice being unapologetically yourself, even if it is only in the bathroom for 5 minutes a day. Talk to yourself in the mirror and remind yourself what a freaking sensitive badass you are. Seek out folx who are proudly and ferociously themselves, both in person and in your social media feeds. Have you met anyone from Wexford Pride who seems to exude a strength and self-comfort that you admire? Ask them to meet for a coffee or go for a walk. See how they handle challenging or ambiguous interactions with others. (We are sensitive, remember? Even ambiguous interactions can leave the most self-actualized of us feeling judged or ridiculed.) Attend one of the Wexford Pride Peer Support Groups, which happen both in person and online, and ask others where they are with feeling comfortable in their own sensitive skin.
Now, for your younger sibling… It is one thing to steel yourself against folks you expect/plan to never see again, and quite another to live with a family member who is actively cruel towards you. For someone with whom you need and want to maintain a relationship, I suggest getting curious and getting vulnerable. What drives your sibling to use “gay” as an insult? Why do they care what you look like when they go out with you?
Is there any way you could ask them these questions? Or do you feel you need to put up a brave front as if these things don’t hurt you? What would happen if you started crying when talking to them about this? Would they ridicule you more? At what point would they stop? Could it be worth it to allow yourself to display that kind of vulnerability? Allowing someone to see how much they have hurt you can be a brave and powerful act.
I’m curious to know how much life experience your younger sibling has. Usually, in my experience, people don’t mock others unless they are insecure, and don’t belittle people unless they have felt belittled. While it could be learned behavior from peers or other adults, as the saying goes, “Hurt people hurt people.” However, I would expand that here, “Hurt people who hurt people are still being jerks and need to be held accountable.”
If your sibling has enough life experience to know better, and they have shown a consistent lack of respect for you, then you might need to limit or cease your interactions with them. Being estranged from family members who are unrepentant assholes is one of the most important forms of self-care. If this person persists in their cruelty, don’t subject yourself to it any longer. Protect your safety and your psyche, Cat.
P.S. Thank you for explaining the term “square.” I assure you that it is not a new term, but instead a resurrected term. (Zombie words!) If the internet is to be believed, it originated in the 1940s to describe folks who weren’t hip to the burgeoning jazz scene in the USA. It then reached peak popularity in the 1950s and 1960s when conformity was highly valued and the whole country was lousy with squares. It was later translated into a hand gesture, creating the term “L7.” (Holding those letters up with your hands makes a…square!) I highly recommend the 90s riot grrl band L7 if you have any interest in punk rock.
Big love to all the queerdos! Send me your questions!
Auntie Aiteach x
Do you have a dilemma you would like some compassionate advice on from an experienced auntie extraordinaire? Send your questions to askauntiewexford@gmail.com.
All inquiries, whether published or not, will be treated with complete confidentiality and anonymity.
Artwork by by Teagan Jane Bell
(image shows a drawing by Teagan of a horse’s eye)
Bi: The Bi-View Series
Name: Béibhinn
Age Range: Late 20s
Nationality: Irish
Background: Recovering Former Graphic Designer, Foodie and Editor of Aiteach
Orientation: Bisexual
Firstly, when (timeline/era) and how did you realise you were Bi?
Looking back, it was kinda always there but I didn’t really clock what was happening, probably because I also liked boys and I didn’t know being Bi was a thing until much later. A defining moment looking back though was trying to make queer polycules in the Sims 2 as a tween (albeit difficult with the game’s jealously mechanics) and making female sims kiss a lot when I knew people weren’t looking.
The sex ed I received in school was quite harmful for queer and especially Bi+ kids, being told that if we had interest in the same sex, it was our “teenage brain figuring stuff out”. As a result of that, I put my feelings down to curiosity or hormones and not who I truly was. I also carried around a great deal of both internalised queerphobia and misogyny, which led to a lot of utterly cringe-worthy moments such as telling the girl I had a crush on in school that “You’re either gay or straight, it’s not that hard!” or pretending I had a “fear” of breasts to avoid confronting my attraction. A female friend also had unrequited feelings for me around then, which I used to justify my “straightness” to myself and others. In reality, my discomfort with that situation was nothing to do with the friend’s gender and more that I wanted to distance myself from her possessive behaviour.
Ultimately, I only began to accept that I was Bi when I was maybe around 17 in college. I had an ace friend at the time who kind of just said bluntly one day that I was obviously Bi. It was a bit of a Eureka moment, but at the same time was more of a gradual acceptance I went back and forth on for a while after that.
Are you Bi or Bi+ (Pan/Fluid inclusive)
I have always identified with Bi, simply because it was the first term I ever came across before Pan, Omni, or any other identity that includes multiple genders. That isn’t to say my span of attraction only encompasses two genders (bilingual people can know more than two languages!), but other terms and definitions never struck a chord with me. I also just prefer the bisexual flag!
Fluid is a term that’s only come onto my radar as of late, but I think it describes well an experience I had been trying to put into words for years.
Do you live the lifestyle, or is it simply a state of being for you?
I’m at a phase in my life now where I fully celebrate my queerness but that wasn’t always the case. I have been in an “assumed straight” relationship for almost 10 years, and because of that I went through a long period in my life where I felt like my queerness wasn’t relevant and should instead be kept to myself unless it was brought up. Eventually I realised I was doing a disservice to other Bi+ people by erasing my own bi-ness, and began openly show and discuss it more. Getting involved with Wexford Pride in particular has allowed me the space to embrace that side of myself again and surround myself with the most amazing and supportive community.
This is a question I am always asked, and it has always made me think, how is your bisexuality calculated if viewed in a percentage? (ex. 60/40)
It’s 50/50 for me, but at the same time it’s fluid. Rather than liking all the genders at all times, some days I might only be interested in femme people, other days I prefer masc and some days I have no preference at all. I also tend to be more attracted to androgyny overall, rather than the hyper masc or femme ends of the spectrum.
Did you/have you come out? Was it a big event for you?
Because it was such a gradual acceptance for me, I never “Came Out” in an official capacity, to the point that it came up accidentally in conversion with my mother one day and I was like “Oh, you didn’t know?”. It was kind of a weird one with my family because I think they all assumed I was a lesbian growing up, until I came home one day and said I had a boyfriend, to which they said “Oh, I expected you to say you had a girlfriend…”. So I guess I “came out” as straight and later realised I was Bi?
Did you experience biphobia once you were out?
Too many instances to count, but there are some of note. Mostly when I felt like I had to hide my queerness, some straight friends would make comments like “Oh, so you’re actually bi” when it came up, alluding to straight girls they knew growing up who would pretend to be bisexual for male attention. Trust me when I say I do not want straight men to even perceive me, at least not the ones who think bisexuality is “hot” (eyeroll).
A sleazy salesman I used to work with made a comment once about how he couldn’t get a girlfriend because people like me were stealing them from him. Thankfully one of the other salesmen interjected and said maybe he couldn’t get a girlfriend because he said things like that!
Although my experience within the community has been largely positive, I’ve also occasionally experienced biphobia from other queer women, with comments like “the closet is made of glass” and “Are you sure you’re attracted to men?”.
However, the worst biphobia I’ve ever experienced was sadly from a mental health professional. By then I had long accepted I was bi, but I was struggling with my fluid side, concerned about a period of time when I was no longer attracted to men when I once was. When I told her I was having issues with my sexuality, she didn’t even let me elaborate on what the problem was. Instead she automatically assumed I was straight and was incredibly dismissive saying “women’s bodies are alluring but that doesn’t mean you want to act on it”. Aside from completely misinterpreting my situation, she also failed to even consider that bisexuality took such a black and white stance on it when I now understand that sexuality is a totally individual journey for many people. Gods forbid I was someone who had just discovered they were bi or even a victim of Comp-Het (Compulsory Heterosexuality).
Was there the very common, ‘not gay enough’ vibe that prevented you from entering the scene?
I definitely had/have internal dialogues of not being “gay enough” throughout my life, but I have never once been made feel that way by the community itself. In fact, at one of the very first LGBT society events I went to in college, I made some kind self-deprecating joke about how I don’t count because I’m bisexual and the former chairperson was very quick to interject and say that isn’t the case at all and I’m as part of the community as any of the other people there.
Are there any prominent experiences you’d like to share?
Gaining the courage to wear a bisexual flag pin on my jacket so I wear my identity for all to see. It’s still something I feel a little apprehensive about some days. Some people are going to have a lot of preconceived notions and stereotypes when they see an alternative looking, femme-presenting person identify as bisexual, but it’s something I don’t want to hide or feel shame about anymore. It’s who I am, and I should respect that as much as any other parts about me.
What would you say to your younger self as your adult self giving advice?
I’d tell my younger closeted self to cop on with the “pick-me” behaviour. I harboured a lot of internalised misogyny and patriarchal nonsense as a teen and saw other women as competition instead of allies. This was not only a barrier for me in becoming aware of my orientation, but it also prevented me from being my authentic self, since I was trying to do a lot of “masculine” things I didn’t necessarily enjoy because I didn’t see femininity as being valuable.
What advice do you give those starting on their Bi awareness journey?
Challenge the messages you were taught about what you’re supposed to want or what your life is supposed to look like.
Aiteach Bi Column will run the Bi-view series intermittently – if you would like to be interviewed please contact Dorn via aiteach.wexford.pride@gmail.com.
Bye from one Bi to the others,
Dorn
Book Review
By John Cunningham-Ryan
I’ll give you the Sun by Jandy Nelson
(first image shows the book cover, which features the title in the centre with lines of different colours radiating from it)
(second image is a photo of the author, who is turned to the side and smiling)
A story of two twins, Jude & Noah both of whom narrate their intertwined story of love, life and bad decisions in a realistic heart-breaking way. This is a book I read 5 years ago but it’s back on my TBR again. Of course when I reread it my opinion might change completely. Lol.
Rather than get straight into the story, just a quick comment about the artistic page scrawlings. Throughout the book some of the important lines are scrawled across the pages (at least in my version; the one with the yellow cover). I really like these, what I call … moments. Like a painting or photo with a shaft of bright light or surprising bright colour, to me, they are an attempt to enhance the story of the twins who are also artists.
(Image shows a page of the book with the quote “If bad luck knows who you are, become someone else” written in thick brush strokes)
Another interesting tool the author uses is how Noah files away ideas for future paintings; the author perfectly captures how the mind of some artist’s work. I particularly like this and it reinforces the idea that artists and writers should always carry a notebook with them to jot down ideas and observations.
For example:
(PORTRAIT, SELF-PORTRAIT: Twins: Noah Looking in a Mirror, Jude out of It)
(SELF-PORTRAIT: Boy Rowing Madly Back Through Time)
(PORTRAIT, SELF-PORTRAIT: Twins: Jude with Rattlesnake Hair, Noah with Rattlesnake Arms)
Plot:
“At first, Jude and her twin brother Noah, are inseparable. Noah draws constantly and is falling in love with the charismatic boy next door, while daredevil Jude wears red-red lipstick, cliff-dives, and does all the talking for both of them. Years later, they are barely speaking. Something has happened to change the twins in different yet equally devastating ways . . . but then Jude meets an intriguing, irresistible boy and a mysterious new mentor. The early years are Noah’s to tell; the later years are Jude’s. But they each have only half the story, and if they can only find their way back to one another, they’ll have a chance to remake their world”.
The intriguing thing about the book is how the author tells the story of both main characters, she gives them separate identities and styles but writing Jude’s story at age 16 and Noah’s story at age 13 doesn’t work for me. Some might think it’s a clever tool to tell the story but I didn’t like it at all. Now, I understand it’s difficult to come up with a way to tell a story without relying on the old fashioned flashbacks but in this case, I think the old fashioned method would have worked better. I also much prefer when two authors work together when writing a story focusing on two main characters like Will Grayson, Will Grayson by David Levithan and John Green or What if it’s us by Becki Albertalli and Adam Silvera.
Even though telling both stories at different ages is not a game changer it’s still annoying. Like when you notice a plot gap or continuity error in a movie or TV series, to some it might seem like a small inconsequential thing but to others it causes a distraction that keeps gnawing like a dripping tap. But, this is the only negative thing I can say about the book.
It’s an interesting story told in a refreshing way and you keep turning the page to get to the juicy bits;
What’s the story with Jude’s premonitions?
How did Noah not get into art college when Jude did?
How did their mother die?
AND FOR GAWD SAKE when would they speak to each other and sort things out?
I’m not going to spill the beans, you’re going to have to read the book yourself to find out which (if any) of these plots will be resolved. All of the characters are relatable and real, the author does a fantastic job of allowing the reader to empathise with each of them, whilst the twins do horrible things to each other at the end of the day they’d still give up so much to make the other happy and eventually forgive each other. It’s also a great story following the lives of two artists, Noah confident in his abilities and Jude not so much but the way their individual struggles are captured is artistic and real. For me Jandy Nelson perfectly captures the inner thoughts and worries most artists (and writers) experience at some stage. The book covers all the usual topics; love (hetro and homo), heart break, death, loss, life struggles and forgiveness. All of these stories are well told and avoid cliché except for the homo relationship of Noah but the artists can’t get everything right. The book has won numerous awards and been shortlisted on several occasions. The highest accolade being the The Michael L. Printz Award for Excellence in Young Adult Literature, awarded in 2015 by the ALA.
To top it off the Fanart is also really cute …
(image shows a fan art drawing of two characters facing each other by cherryandsisters)
This is a book I will definitely be rereading to see can I get over MY flashback issue, now that I know the ending I should be able to concentrate more on the style and content. The fact I’m willing to reread a book is probably incomprehensible to some people but to me it’s a high accolade, I read so much but there are few books I will reread. For now I’m giving this book a solid 8 out of 10 planets.
Artwork by CC Darlington
(Image shows a charcoal drawing of a head laying down and looking above by CC)
Artwork by Teagan Jane Bell
(Image shows a charcoal drawing of a horse’s head with a bridle by Teagan)
Poetry
By C.C. O’Toole
“Brick By Brick”
In my head there are drums
The beat at the most inconvenient times
In my ears there are bells
So loud I sometimes have to shout
In my back there is lightning
It strikes on muscles and nerves,
Over in a flash
Or at times it lasts for days.
In my chest there is a knife
Stabbing over and over
Not always in the same place
In my Hips there is a weighing scales
one side always heaver than the other
In my legs there is concrete and fire
My legs burn day and night
A fire that never goes out
This is only half of how I am constructed.
Pride around Ireland 2024
(photographs of Wexford Pride members at Pride of the Deise, Longford Pride, Trans and Intersex Pride and Wicklow Pride)
Pride Goes to Prom
By Rían Browne
Wexford Pride presents LGBTQIA+ inclusive Pride Goes to Prom’, taking place this October.
Wexford Pride is thrilled to announce our upcoming event, Pride Goes to Prom, a second chance graduation ball for the LGBTQIA+ community! Many LGBTQIA+ are denied the opportunity of celebrating their school debs, graduations and formal celebrations. Taking place on Saturday 19 October in Hotel Curracloe this evening seeks to create a safe space that centres the celebration of queerness and authenticity.
‘Pride Goes to Prom’ was developed by Wexford Pride community members who reflected on their journey of identity formation and how these formative experiences are often missed, inaccessible or experienced in a way that does not affirm identities or self-expression that is perceived as not conforming to gender and sexuality norms. In taking a community-led approach a prom sub-committee was formed who, in volunteering their time, enthusiasm and creativity, have brought the event to life.
Speaking about the event Spud, a Prom Sub-Committee Member emphasises - “Love, acceptance, and celebration [will] take centre stage. Dance the night away in a safe, inclusive space, surrounded by friends and allies. Whether you want to relive the magic or experience it for the first time, this is your night to shine. Dress up, be yourself, and create memories that last forever!”
Kas, another Sub-Committee Member added - “This night isTHE night for all of us in
the LGBTQ+ community to embrace who we are in a safe space, surrounded by each other!:
Attendees are invited to don their finest and embark on an evening of joy in a ‘forest fantasy’ setting including a buffet dinner, live music, spot prizes and the crowning of Wexford Prides’ very first prom monarchs! Prior to the event there will be a staffed make-up station for attendees to prepare their look in a safe and accepting space, with make-up supplied by Sam McCauleys. The prom will also have its own dedicated quiet space for attendees to recharge in an ambient setting.
Speaking to Wexford Weekly, Secretary of Wexford Pride John Cunningham-Ryan said: “Many queer folk have a renaissance when they figure out who they are, who they like and start living their authentic lives. The opportunity to have a do-over for
a milestone event is fantastic & it’s fabulous to be able to provide this opportunity for our community.”
In July, community members and allies gathered together to fundraise for the event through Wexford Prides’ first LGBTQIA+ Community Symposium. The event presented a line-up of talks and discussions led by Wexford Pride community members and successfully raised €596 in support of the event.
Rían Browne. Public Relations Officer, Wexford Pride) adds: “Often queer identity can become defined by our fight to exist despite forces that seek to question or deny our humanity as LGBTQIA+ people.
Pride goes to Prom speaks to the importance of drawing upon the relationships and community we build as queer people to create positive, fun and affirming spaces that celebrate reclaiming these formative experiences as our authentic selves!”
This is an event for LGBTQIA+ community members over 18+ years. An online information session will take place on Saturday 21st September from 3pm - 4.30pm which will include a Q&A for attendees. Full event details and tickets (€30) can be found via https://wexfordpride.ie/pride-goes-to-prom-2024.
